Rapper and producer Diddy faces sentencing this Friday, after sending a personal letter to the judge seeking leniency.
The future of Sean “Diddy” Combs will be decided on Friday 3 October, when he appears in court to hear his final sentence. The 55-year-old music producer and entrepreneur was found guilty on two counts related to interstate transportation for prostitution, a verdict that has shaken his legacy in the entertainment industry.
While prosecutors insist the artist should receive a prison term exceeding a decade, the defence has requested a much shorter sentence, arguing that he has already served a significant portion of time in custody. Amid these opposing positions, Diddy decided to address the judge directly with a personal letter.
Dear Judge Subramanian,
I hope this letter finds you well and in good health and spirits. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to express my thoughts. First of all, I want to apologise and say how sincerely sorry I am for all the harm and pain I have caused others through my conduct. I take full responsibility for my past mistakes. These have been the two most difficult years of my life, and I have no one to blame for my current reality and situation but myself. In my life I have made many mistakes, but I no longer run from them. I deeply regret the harm I have caused, although I understand that the simple words “I’m sorry” will never be enough because they cannot erase the pain of the past.
Over the past thirteen months I have had to look in the mirror as never before. My pain became my teacher. My sadness was my motivation. I must admit that my downfall lay in my selfishness. The scenes and images of me assaulting Cassie replay in my head every day. I literally lost my mind. I was totally wrong to put my hands on the woman I loved. I am sorry and always will be. Domestic violence will forever be a heavy burden I must carry: the remorse, the grief, the regret, the disappointment, the shame. Honestly, I feel bad about something I myself could not forgive if someone did it to one of my daughters. That is why it is so hard for me to forgive myself. It is like a deep wound leaving an ugly scar.
Your Honour, I thought I was providing for Jane and her son, but after hearing her testimony I realised I had harmed her. For this I sincerely apologise.
I lost my way. I lost myself. I lost myself to drugs and excess. My downfall lay in my selfishness. I have been humbled and broken to the core. Prison is designed to break you mentally, physically and spiritually. During this past year there have been many times I wanted to give up. There were days when I thought I would be better off dead. The old me died in prison and a new version of me was born. Prison changes you or kills you; I choose to live.
Every day since my incarceration, however difficult my circumstances, I have used my time reading books, writing, training and in therapy, gaining tools and knowledge to address my past issues with drug use and anger. I have been working consistently to become the best version of myself and to ensure I never repeat the same mistakes.
I realise that I am in a situation where no amount of money, power or fame can save me. Only God can save me. My grandmother used to teach me that God does not make mistakes and that everything He does is for your good. I believe a bad situation can be used for something good. Although this has been the hardest and darkest stage of my life, good things have come from my imprisonment. To begin with, I am now sober for the first time in 25 years. I am doing everything possible to address my drug and anger issues, taking responsibility and making positive steps towards healing. One of the most beautiful things I have experienced is my fellow inmates asking me to teach and guide them. They wanted to learn how I became a successful businessman. I was inspired by their hunger and desire to learn not only to set goals but also to achieve them. I started running a six-week programme called Free Game (the name given by my peers), approved and endorsed by the Federal Bureau of Prisons (BOP). I do not just teach about my successes, but also about my mistakes and failures. It has truly been a blessing to do something positive in a negative situation. It has been beautiful to see renewed hope in my peers’ eyes. The most remarkable thing was to see the unity and peace this class has created. As you know, prisons are usually segregated, yet in our class we have African Americans, Hispanics, whites and Asians learning and working together. We even have an interpreter for Spanish-speaking inmates. The greatest miracle of this class is seeing all the gangs — Bloods, Crips, MS-13, Trinitarios and 18th Street — in the same room working together. I am proud to say that since the class began there have been no fights in our unit. This class has also helped me in my moments of need and despair. Being able to do something good for others has given me hope. God blessed me with this opportunity to help and I will continue doing so.
Today I ask for leniency, not only for myself but for my children. God blessed me with seven wonderful children: three sons and four daughters. Their names are Quincy, Justin, Christian, Chance, Jessie, D’lia and my youngest, Love, who is two. Four of my children lost their mother, Kim Porter, who died tragically in 2018. I am their only father. I have failed my children as a father. My own father was murdered when I was three, so I know first-hand what it is to grow up without a father. More than anything, I want the chance to go home and be the father they need and deserve. God also blessed me with the best mother in the world. My mother sacrificed her life and dreams to raise me and my sister Keisha. She worked three jobs to give us a roof, clothes and the best education. My mother is now 84 and recently had brain surgery. Despite her health problems she attended my trial every day. I have always been her main carer. It breaks my heart to have put myself in this situation and for the first time not be there for my mother when she needs me most. As I write this letter, I am terrified. Terrified of spending another second away from my mother and my children. I no longer care about money or fame. Nothing is more important than my family. I understand that one of the factors the Court must consider is deterrence — for me and for others — to ensure that no one follows my path or makes the same mistakes.
For over a year I have been confined in a room with twenty-five other people, sharing the same space. There are no windows, no fresh air, no sunlight. We eat, sleep, use the toilet, shower and prepare meals in that same room. The conditions my actions have placed me in are inhumane. I do not say this to seek pity or sympathy. I am simply sharing my truth and the truth of my peers. We do not have drinking water and must boil it. We share a broken washing machine. I am surrounded by drugs and live each day with the constant threat of being stabbed or killed. My time at the MDC has changed me forever.
Before prison I cared for my family. Through my conduct I lost the ability to care for my mother, to raise and support my children. I have missed my daughters’ proms and ceremonies, I missed taking one of them to university. I have lost the freedom to teach my two-year-old daughter to speak, dance, play or comfort her when she has a nightmare.
I started from scratch and worked hard to earn everything I had. But through my conduct I have lost all my businesses. I have lost my career. I lost the charter schools I founded and have destroyed my reputation and stained that of those who worked for me. Among all my losses and lessons I can affirm that I will never again stand before a criminal court and I do not believe anyone else will do something similar out of fear of such a punishment. If you give me a chance, I would like to share my story to prevent at least one person from making the mistakes I made.
I cannot change the past, but I can change the future. I know God put me here to transform me. Since my incarceration I have undergone a spiritual reset. I am on a path that requires time and hard work. I am proud to say I am working harder than ever. I am committed to remaining drug-free, non-violent and peaceful. I thank God for now being stronger, wiser, clean, clear and sober. God does not make mistakes. I know this trial has received worldwide media attention and that Your Honour may feel inclined to impose a harsh, exemplary punishment. I ask you to make me an example of what a person can do if given a second chance. If you allow me to return home to my family, I promise not to let you down and to make you proud.
Today, I humbly ask for another chance: another chance to be a better father, a better son, a better leader in my community and to live a better life. I do not write this to gain sympathy or pity. This experience is the truth of my existence and has changed my life forever. I will never commit a crime again.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
